i will only involve myself in simulated self-distance. i love some of the people i love, i hate some of the people i love, and there are just some people i try to love but can't.
i'd much rather just being by myself drinking like tonight, but then i'd love to see the people i actually love.
this doesn't make sense. basically; i want to hang out with the people i really love, but there are so many who are leaving or who bring me down so much so, that i just don't want to. and then the people who want to hang out with me; i just don't want to be associated with.
it's all so strange.
i met my dad's girlfriend tonight. she fucking rules. she's in love with ted nugent and we had a huge conversation about cat scratch fever, her wanting to see my band, and how my german is better than her own son's. should i feel guilty about how cool she is? no. because i shouldn't feel any other way than i naturally do.

none of this will make 100% sense to anyone but that's how i like it.
i'm slowly thinking less about other people and more about myself. it's fucking good.

SIUDHQUIDHUIQWHDQUIWDHFUCK

i feel really happy. like, happiest i've been in a long time. which is ironic.
school's over in a few days and then i get to drink mai (no) sorrows awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
life is scary and sweet but mostly really really really good.
i love you (all).

i have lost alot of respect for you.

i'm sixteen years old, i'm entitled to have hormonal rants. so here you are.

everything is too frustrating.
i hate feeling shit and then trying to make myself feel better with age-old quotes and phrases about dumb shit. and then i realise that every single person is different and that there are no conventions to things like LIFE IN GENERAL which means there is a possibility that i will die a lonely, miserable man and any quote that suggests otherwise has a huge chance of being a big fat lie.
i went on omegle.com last night. it's weird. you just chat to random people without having a username or picture or anything.
it's a conversation between 'You' and 'Stranger'.
my method of sifting through shitty people is to start the conversations off with things like 'tell me something new', 'the world is annoying' or 'everything is weird'. yeah, i like attention.
there was a guy from america who i talked to last night who is probably my favourite person in the world, but my modem cut out halfway through the conversation and i have lost him for good. which is probably a good thing because if i did get anything from him, i.e. his facebook, he would probably turn out to be a shitty person. but wherever you are out there, you rule.

back to reality.
i feel really lonely. it's not even sexual frustration, it's just feeling lonely. and i'm trying to get myself to like different people and go back to liking a certain person but i just can't. everyone is so fuckin shit.
school is an absolute drag. knowing that there isn't even a point to me being there makes every day feel so much longer.
and everyone in my grade is so fucking shit. like, seriously. miriam mcbride and her friends are the only hope for grade 11. you rule miriam.
everyone else is shit.
even some of my friends are shit. i really don't like a lot of them. i won't say names because that would just make shit more complicated.
but yeah, a lot of you actually fucking suck sooo much.

the only thing that makes me feel better is the fact that i'm not as ugly as bradford cox from deerhunter. cheerz coxy.

so i've lied about alot of things in my life. but i can swear on my mother's, my father's, my brother's and my own life that i just experienced complete euphoria. not 'happy feelings' euphoria, but waves and waves of complete... everything.
from a fucking animal collective song. it sounds really stupid. but no fucking lie.

i was listening to 'people' in my bed on my ipod, and it was so fucking amazing and beautiful and as soon as he screams 'people' i start like, heaving and then like laughing in hysterics. you know when you listen to an amazing song and you get chills down your back? this isn't it at all. this was the most amazing feeling i've ever felt. holy fuck. i think i've honestly gone insane. even if i think about it i start giggling.

THAT WAS THE STRANGEST FUCKING MOMENT OF MY LIFE AND WHEN I SEE THEM I AM PROBABLY GOING TO REACH SOME SORT OF FULL ENLIGHTENMENT AND BECOME THE DALAI LAMA (of pitchfork hipster garabe)

i don't mind if you don't believe me, doesn't really matter. but holy fuckkkkkk that was crazy. and i love this fucking band.

i think i'm a little hollow

EVERYBODY GET PREPARED FOR SOME CRAZY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER WILD WILD WEST OF A MESS DRESSED TO THE 9'S DRAMARAMA

for some reason whenever my life is full of ease and no pressure, i always feel really frustrated. and yet right now i've completely fucked up year 11 and i'm so HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPY! ALLLLL ABOOOOAAARRRDDDD! MAUMAUMAU!

went to the beach with daniel and jordan today which was nice. even though i don't always love weed, getting high on the beach listening to animal collective lying on the sand with the wind all soarin' past you is the nicest feeling ever. nearly as nice as SEEING THEM.

i think all in all the past 7 days have been the craziest i've had for a long time. kind of good though. not keen on boring shit with no drama.
i've also been really excited thinking about the not-too-distant future. i really cannot wait to go to melbourne. fa-fa-fa-freedom.

also, i fucking love my friends alot. you're all amazing and probably the reason why i'm failing school. so in the end it is not my fault. it is yours. but i still love you all. <3<3<3 mauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i don't even know where to start with everything that is going on.
so i'll just say this: isaac has the greatest brain in the world. he pretty much put his hands into my brain and just poured everything out in front of me with no intention of doing so. so strange and so comforting.